Fudge. It’s my third favourite F-word and narrowly gets the bronze medal behind the words “Friday” and “fuuuuu….” yeah, you know which one. That last one seems to slip out when I’m caught off guard, angry or just having a bad day. For example, I use it when I wake up forgetting that it’s Monday, when I stub my toe on an immovable object that jumped out to attack me for no good reason, when I wash my car and it rains and lastly, when I realise that I’m out of cheese (life is but a cruel bitch sometimes). Not only is “fudge” a synonym for my other favourite F-word, but it’s the delicious, creamy and caramel-ey stuff (there I go, making up words again) that pretty much changes lives.
I’ve loved fudge ever since I can remember, and these little golden squares take me right back to primary school when I could buy a piece for R2,00. Shout out to Mrs Farren, the tuckshop lady of all tuckshop ladies, and undoubtedly the greatest one of all time! You were the heat and you always let me cut the line. Plus, you risked hypothermia countless times to reach to the bottom of the freezer to get the mango and orange ice lollies I liked. (What a legend).
Those that know me, know that I like to live dangerously and I would often eat two mango and orange ice lollies at one time (because I’m dangerous like that), but sometimes, shit gets a little too dangerous. What do I mean? Well, having a food blog is not without its risks. For instance, whilst preparing the goods for this post (and it’s all about the goods) I accidentally shanked myself with a rather large kitchen knife and like Leona Lewis, I kept bleeding. Except it wasn’t love. It was blood, and “nobody makes me bleed my own blood.” I know what you’re thinking, how could someone like me manage to stab myself with a knife whose handle is the perfect shade of non-offensive green? (Even me, I was shocked). But who knows why bad things happen to good people? Sometimes bad things happen to the best kind of people (the ones who bake and then lovingly distribute it amongst the ones that they love). In case you think I’m spinning stories of bravery in the face of injury, here’s a photo of the wound covered with a Hello Kitty plaster for good measure, because Hello Kitty plasters are both timeless and hygienic… Ha. (My nail polish matching was a sheer coincidence, I swear!)
This not-so-brush with death drove home the point that sometimes, life isn’t as shit as we think it is. It’s not life itself that gets us down, it’s the people who do. They’re shit. Terrible circumstances that we cannot change, yeah, those are shit too. And yes, whilst bad things do happen to good people, this doesn’t mean that the bad ones escape unscathed. In time, far worse things happen to the bad people than the bad things that happened to the good ones. So take it with a pinch of salt, honey. You can afford to, you’re sweet enough after all…
But back to this week’s recipe… Often I find myself like Natalie Imbruglia (“Torn”) when I consider which I love more, fudge or toffee? We all know that I have a sweet tooth sweeter then Anne Hathaway (and that bitch is sickly sweet) but this week I sought to combine two of the things that I love most (but not more than Ryan, and not more than pandas…) fudge and toffee! So is it “tudge” or is it “foffee”? I have absolutely no idea, but all I know is that it’s hellagood!
This one is for my sister who finds herself using the word “fudge,” more often than she’d like to, to prevent her potty mouth from getting the best of her (on week days, that is). It’s also for Granny Smith who loves fudge probably more than she loves me. (Tay, I cannot wait to make this for you when you get home!) For Andy Bodill aka “Andz” who used to eat fudge with me (“Bronz”) at Northlands Primary (all the cool nicknames of that era ended with a “Z”, obviously). And lastly, it’s for my old man who always gave me extra tuck money (but pretended that he didn’t) so that I could buy fudge, extra-large choc chip cookies and of course, my beloved mango and orange ice lollies. He taught me that being kind was more important than being right and that the best kind of generosity was the one that no one else ever knew about.
Yours in Baking, Bitching and a Hello Kitty plaster (because “xoxo” was too mainstream and because well, sometimes you just have to say “fudge it!”)
230g of Double Thick Cream (I used the one from Woolies)
275g of Caster Sugar
100g of Golden Syrup
The seeds of ½ a Vanilla Pod
- Combine all ingredients in a heavy bottomed saucepan.
- Grease a 20cm square cake tin or glass dish.
- Heat ingredients on medium heat until sugar is disolved.
- Bring to the boil for three minutes, stirring continuously.
- Remove from heat and beat by hand with a wooden spoon for 8 minutes until it is thick and loses most of its shine (I know it’s hectic but it’s worth it!)
- Cover with cling wrap and allow to set in the fridge overnight.
- Cut into squares with a sharp knife but DON’T shank yourself. Ha.
- Store in an airtight container in the fridge.
Health hack: Fudge that. Eat a carrot stick!