We’re all a bit nuts. Some people are the run-of-the-mill peanuts that give you exactly what you’re expecting time and time again, whilst others are the Brazil nuts that no one ever really chooses the first time around (shame). Then there’s the pistachios… Exotic, a bit strange looking, in your face and almost impossible to get through to. Whilst some of us tend to be a little more upfront about it, others are a lot harder to crack. But beneath every shell, no matter how tough, we’ve all got that tendency to go a bit bossies (that’s “bonkers” for non-South Africans)…
When it comes to the “cray,” under no circumstances are we prepared to admit that we’re nuts. It’s like an old re-run of “Survivor.” There’s an uncanny amount of “outwit, outplay and outlast”, especially when we’re in hot pursuit of a (highly attractive) member of the opposite sex. But all too often, “the cray” rears its ugly head and comes out in the most unattractive way possible. (There is usually some kind of alcohol involved). This is especially true in the case of females and can be well explained in the “hot-crazy” matrix (i.e. the hotter the female, the more inclined she is to be a bunny boiler and/or general basket case). It’s just as thrilling as the real “Matrix” with Keanu Reeves, expect there is no choice (between red and blue pills). Your only option is to accept and embrace “the cray.” I know this is true because I have some very good-looking friends and Durban is full of strong nines out of ten. Years of exposure to this have left me enlightened and wanting to write a tell-all entitled, yup, you guessed it… “Fifty Shades of Cray.” No doubt it’d be a best seller and Kate Beckinsale would play me in the movie adaptation… Obviously.
Sometimes our own unique nuttiness gets brought on by some kind of trigger. And because every nut is different, it really could be absolutely anything; the weather, an excerpt on Carte Blanche or perhaps that bitch at Woolworths who rams her trolley into your ankles… or even worse, takes the last bag of organic rocket (unwashed to last longer). Personally, I go nuts for the following:
- When A-list actors make C-list movies. For example, “Good People” starring James Franco and Kate Hudson. WHY?! Don’t bother, for reals. It was 2 hours of my life that I will NEVER get back and in the words of Ron Burgundy himself, “it was awkward and shameful.”
- People who pick their noses whilst driving. For goodness sake, I can see you. Especially the ones that go back time after time like they’re Bono from U2 and they still haven’t found what they’re looking for… What’s even worse is when I catch you, we make eye contact and you do your utmost to pretend that you were never doing it in the first place. Well, this is awkward. (Side note: If you’re going to “dig for diamonds” in peak traffic, at least own it, Bro).
- Load-shedding. (For non-South Africans, these are scheduled power outages. Although on this side of the world, the word “schedule” means absolutely nothing, so it can happen anytime and anywhere. It’s a real party. Ha). Sadly, when you reside in the sauna that is Durban, load-shedding not only means no power, but also no air-conditioning or fans as well. So in the words of Chris Breezy (unintentionally ironic, I swear), “Tell me how I’m ‘sposed to breathe with no air?”
This recipe is for my Positively Nuts Classic Carrot Cake. It’s a real crowd pleaser, and it’s especially rewarding to see those, “I don’t eat carrot cake” types demolish a slice. It contains a secret ingredient, crushed pineapple. Somehow it just works, and the cream cheese icing is the stuff of legends! This one’s for Mama Lello and Jen Webb, the two people in my life who are a mixed assortment of the aforementioned varieties and no matter what, are always unapologetically nuts.
Yours in Baking, Bitching and an assortment of nuts, (because “xoxo” was too mainstream and because, let’s face it, I’m comfortably nuts).
Positively Nuts Classic Carrot Cake
For the Cake:
1 cup of Sunflower oil
1 cup of Sugar
1 cup of Cake flour
10 ml of baking powder
3ml of Bi-carbonate of soda
5ml of Vanilla extract
10ml of Cinnamon
½ teaspoon of Salt
2 cups of grated Carrot
½ cup of chopped Pecans
1/3 cup of crushed Pineapple
For the Cream Cheese Frosting:
30g of Butter
1 tub of Cream Cheese
500g of Icing sugar (you may need more depending on what cheese you use)
Chopped Pecans for decorating
- Preheat oven to 160 degrees Centigrade.
- Beat eggs and oil together until light and fluffy.
- Add sugar and beat in.
- Sieve in dry ingredients and mix together.
- Add in carrot, pecans and pineapple.
- Spoon into two cake tins and bake for 30-40 minutes or until a skewer comes out clean. (If you want a 3 layer cake like I made, then make an extra half of the batter).
- Remove from oven and allow to cool completely.
- Combine frosting ingredients (minus pecans) and beat with an electric mixer.
- Sandwich the two cakes together with frosting and ice the top as well. Decorate with pecans.
Health hack: Switch the sugar for xylitol, I’m sure you’re sweet enough…