(Wo)man Down

Squeaky Clean Chocolate Cake
Squeaky Clean Chocolate Cake

This weekend was one for the books. It kicked off with a road trip to the midlands, continued with my sister’s epic wedding that included me catching the bouquet, tequila shots with Aunty Delores (hi Aunty D!) and ended with a Sunday afternoon on the couch. I must just mention that all of the above were experienced with the hottest wedding date in recorded history (true story). This isn’t only because he’s my boyfriend, there are numerous other reasons. But I must point out that my grandmother even hit on him… and you know what? I ain’t even mad. She may be old but jeepers her eyesight is impeccable. Granny got game! Props to Dawn for keeping her swag intact, 70 plus years later and for recognising talent when she sees it…

Following the monumental celebrations this weekend, it breaks my heart to admit that I am (yet again) down another pair of shoes. These ones got left at the Windmills. WHY must all celebration occasions in my life be accompanied by a loss to my shoe cupboard? As if this wasn’t enough for me to bear, I fear I have been struck down by an apocalyptic illness and am fast on my way to becoming a Sinutab zombie, thirsty for chicken soup, orange juice and marathons of the Kardashians.  I also find myself paying (involuntary) vocal tribute to Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. All in all, “I’m in a glass case of emotion” and the tally is thus as follows: Flu – 1, Bron – 0 and the Kardashians – 2 (because those bitches always make me feel normal no matter what, and for that, bless them).

Most people don’t have much of an appetite when they’re sick. I, on the other hand, am some sort of freak of nature with a bottomless pit of hunger (perhaps a side effect of the Sinutab? Johnson & Johnson (Pty) Ltd. please help?) So after three pieces of toast, some biltong, a white Kit Kat, two servings of chicken soup, 3 oranges and what felt like an Umgeni River’s worth of orange juice (by only 4pm on Monday) I knew it was late for me and that my waistline was in trouble.

Feeling somewhat inspired by this insatiable hunger and a few requests that called for a healthy recipe this week, I decided to share one of my most favourite healthy chocolate cake recipes ever. The base of this cake is almond flour, so dare I mention that this cake is Banting diet friendly? (Banters rejoice. I know that bacon and eggs for breakfast errrday and full cream dairy must be really tough on you, so here, have a piece of cake). Should you wish to make this cake using coconut flour instead of the almond, you definitely can. I do this sometimes if I find myself out of almond flour and there is none available at Dis-Chem because the Banters have bought it all (it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and it’s clearly every baker or Banter for themselves). Apologies in advance, because following this post, almond flour at Dis-Chem could perhaps be even harder to come by and a shopping trip there may just morph into a scene from the “Hunger Games”. So if you’re searching for almond flour, “may the odds be ever in your favour.” On a side note, I must give credit to the Banters out there. Although I often poke fun at them, I wish I had the discipline to follow any diet, let alone cut out carbs. (Another side note, I’d rather cut off all my hair than cut out carbs. True story. Carbs are love people, carbs are love).

After effortlessly throwing this cake together, it gets baked in an oven preheated to 170 degrees centigrade. Unless of course, you’re Usher and you, “gotta let it burn”, I would recommend watching the oven temperature to ensure that it’s thoroughly preheated first. At the end, it gets dusted with raw cocoa but you could top this with anything your little heart desires. It can be served as is, or with a dollop of whipped cream and some raspberries. “There’s so much room for activities!” Or, alternatively, you could venture to the dark side, melt some white chocolate and drizzle it over the whole cake (well, that escalated quickly).

This cake is wheat, gluten, dairy and sugar free. Now you’re probably thinking, “bet it tastes like shit” right? WRONG. This is going to change your life and your approach to healthy baking as you know it! This Squeaky Clean Chocolate Cake is proof that you can’t judge a cake by its ingredients (shame on you) and that it’s possible to create something that’s as delicious as it is guilt free. The only thing you’ll have to feel guilty about is if you don’t save a slice for your significant other. If your significant other is yourself, well-played, you get this entire cake all to yourself. If it’s not, save some for the rest of us piggy, life’s about the sacrifices.

So this one is for Caels and her Mad Italian who were in charge of quality control the first time I made this cake and for Sam and Gabs who are tired of drooling on their keyboards at work over things on my blog that are too indulgent. It’s also for my Gran who reminds me to never take life too seriously, to know a good thing when you see it (hi Ryan!) and that you’re never too old to use a cheesy pick up line.

Yours in Baking, Aching, Bitching & Coughing, (because “xoxo” was too mainstream and because I have the Flu)


A slice of squeaky clean chocolate cake

Squeaky Clean Chocolate Cake


150ml olive oil

50g raw unsweetened cocoa powder

125ml boiling water

2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

150g almond flour

½ teaspoon of bi-carbonate of soda

1 teaspoon of baking powder

A pinch of salt

200g of xylitol

3 large eggs

1. Preheat oven to 170 degrees centigrade.

2. Grease and line the bottom of a 21cm spring form tin with baking paper.

3. Place cocoa, vanilla and boiling water into a bowl and mix to form a paste.

4. In another mixing bowl combine almond flour, bi-carb, baking powder and salt. Mix well and set aside.

5. Place the olive oil, xylitol and eggs into a bowl and beat with an electric mixer for about 3 minutes on high speed until the mixture is thick.

6. Add the cocoa paste mixture to the oil mixture and mix well. Add the almond flour mixture and mix until combined.

7. Pour batter into greased and lined tin and bake for 40 minutes or until the sides are set and the middle looks slightly damp. (A cake tester should come out with a few crumbs sticking to it, not clean).

8. Remove cake from oven and allow to cool for 10 minutes before running a knife around the side of the cake and releasing the spring of the tin. Remove tin’s sides and leave to cool completely on a wire rack.

9. Eat warm with some ice cream, dust with cocoa powder or icing sugar, drizzle with melted white chocolate or indulge with a dollop of whipped cream and some raspberries.

Health hack: This cake is the holy grail of healthy cakes. Take it, you hyenas.


10 Comments Add yours

  1. Dolores says:

    Lovely to get your blog, it was great reading. Xxxx

    Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom – let your email find you!


    1. brondb says:

      Lovely to have you on board xxx


  2. Clare Thomas says:

    Going to make this on the weekend. Love your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. brondb says:

      Thank you my dear 🙂 Let me know how it turns out!


  3. orladrum says:

    Hi! Looks like a great recipe – looking forward to trying it out next week!


    1. brondb says:

      Hi there 🙂 Please let me know how it turns out! xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. orladrum says:

        I just made your cake – it was fabulous! Do you mind if I share the recipe? I have a Facebook group. This tasted so good – a bit too sugary for my new tastebuds but perfect for our party at the weekend – and no one will know they’re eating a healthy cake! I added pecans to it – it was so tasty!!


  4. brondb says:

    Hi there! Yes, of course, please do share it 🙂 So glad you enjoyed it! I have never added pecans, so I will definitely be trying that. Please share the link to your Facebook group, I would love to visit it 🙂 Thanks so much, B. x


  5. orladrum says:

    The Facebook group is for Ireland – called Banting in Ireland – it’s a HFLC page
    I tried the cake with butter – not as tasty or as successful!


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